Pronouns 101

Ever wonder why we include those (pronouns) next to our names in our bios? We know that we reach a diverse community of people, including allies that do not identify as LGBTQIA+ and those who might be new to gender expansive pronouns. Being that it's PRIDE month, we want to share some suggestions to help us all be in community together. 

This resource is meant to be an introduction, refresher or even expansion for some.

What are pronouns?

Gender pronouns are words we choose to refer to us in third person. We use pronouns all the time, most often when referring to someone without using their name. 

For example, I use they/them pronouns so someone might say this when referring to me:

“Amara is eating their lunch”

“Amara loves to hike but they don't enjoy running” 

“Their favorite colors are green and yellow”

Some people might use she/her/hers, he/him/his, or neopronouns such as xe/xem, ze/zim, sie/hir, others might not use pronouns at all and only use their name. Honestly, the possibilities are limitless! And while this realization may be overwhelming for some, for a non-binary trans person like me, pronouns are a way to normalize and make space for my gender fluidity in a cis-hetero patriarchal society that only values the gender binary (man/woman). 

While conversations about pronouns have helped to visibilize gender neutral pronouns these words are actually not very new. “What's Your Pronoun'' by Dennis Baron describes the history of gender neutral pronouns in the evolution of the English language. Even literary giants such as Emily Dickinson, William Shakespeare, William Wordsworth, and Geoffrey Chaucer all used singular they in their writing. And within the LGBTQ+ community, activists have been advocating for the inclusion of pronouns for decades as a way to validate our gender identities and to rectify the misgendering of trans community members in mainstream media outlets. And for the dictionary enthusiasts out there, Merriam-Webster chose the singular They as the word of the year in 2019.

For Alok Menon, author of Beyond the Gender Binary, moving beyond the gender binary is an acknowledgement of multiplicity when it comes to gender and not an infringement on anyone's identity as a man or woman. Therefore, if we explode the illusion that there can only be two genders (man/woman) then we can also explode the idea that there can only be gendered language.

Language is constantly changing to reflect our lives, why not celebrate another way to affirm all our gender expansiveness? 

Why practicing, using, and respecting pronouns is important:

Living in a cis-hetero patriarchal society means that pronouns specifically refer to a person’s gender. However, appearance or gender expression does not equal gender identity (see video above for clarification). Which means that for gender non-conforming, non-binary, and transgender people, incorrect pronouns may cause harm, stress and anxiety on the daily. 

Check out this recent study that highlights the importance of chosen names and pronouns for reducing risk of suicide and depression among trans youth. 

Cisgender people can practice allyship by sharing their pronouns to distigmatize the use of pronouns oftentimes visibilized by non-binary and trans people. Here are some tips:

1. Normalize adding pronouns to zoom names, name tags, and when doing introductions in a group for everyone not just expecting queer, trans, or non-binary to share this information. 

2. Pronouns are not static, people can change their pronouns many times so asking for pronouns and sharing pronouns consistently creates a space to share any pronoun updates too.

3. Use they/them pronouns for people until you know their pronouns. Remember, appearance doesn’t determine someone's pronouns.

4. Be intentional about using someones pronouns, not just out of convenience, this shows you believe in and respect their existence

5. When referring to a non-binary or trans person in the past, do NOT use their old pronouns or name. 

6. Ask if there are times when it is not safe to use their pronouns, accidentally “outing” someone and putting them at risk of harm.

7. Remember, pronouns are never PREFERRED, they just are. Thinking about pronouns as a “preference” can be invalidating and sound trivial rather than factual and worthy of respect. 

8. Normalizing and destigmatizing pronouns takes practice, if you mess up it's ok to apologize, correct yourself and move on. Overreacting in your apology or making statements like “this is just TOO hard” puts all the focus on you rather than the person who deserves an apology and respect. 

The big picture - Solidarity requires sustained action

Including pronouns in a workplace setting or daily interactions is not the only and final destination in supporting the LGBTQIA+ community. We have a long way to go in addressing and abolishing cis-hetero patriarchy that is literally killing us. Sadly, we have already lost over 25 transgender or gender non-conforming people fatally shot or killed by other violent means in 2021 alone. Additionally, being in a country that incarcerates the largest amount of its population compared to other countries, means that LGBTQ+ people are drastically overrepresented in prisons. 

Just five months into 2021, we have also seen the onslaught of anti-trans bills introduced into over 30 state legislatures. The majority of these bills aim to ban and even criminalize gender affirming healthcare for trans youth, police bathroom use, restrict who gets to play in school team sports, and making it increasingly harder for trans people to get identification documents with their name and gender. Some states like Arkansa, Alabama, Tennessee, West Virginia, Montana, and Florida have passed sports ban laws and a law prohibiting gender affirming health care for trans youth has already passed in Arkansas. Follow Chase Strangio, Deputy Director for Transgender Justice, @chasestrangio on social media for updates on anti-trans bills. 

Including pronouns in your instagram bio or e-mail signature is just one small action taken among many others to show up in solidarity with people in the LGBTQIA+ community. Respecting pronouns can lead to a shift in more equitable interpersonal relationships, but we still need solid structural systems change. Here is a suggested list of organizations, mutual aid projects to support:

Stonewall Protests: Demonstrations by
Black Queer and Black Trans Activists centered on the Acknowledgment of All Black Life. cashapp: $stonewallprotests

Audre Lorde Project: ALP is a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Two Spirit, Trans and Gender Non-Conforming People of Color community organizing center, focusing on the New York City area.

Trans Justice Funding Project: a community-led funding initiative founded in 2012 to support grassroots, trans justice groups run by and for trans people in the US.

F2L Relief Fund: provides commissary support to Black, Indigenous, and people of color who are queer, trans and/or two-spirit and incarcerated in New York State.

Black Trans Travel Fund: A grassroots, Black Trans led Collective, providing Black transgender women with financial and material resources needed to remove barriers to self-determining and accessing safer travel options.

For the Gworls: A Black, trans-led collective fundraising money to help Black transgender people pay for their rent, gender-affirming surgeries, smaller co-pays for medicines/doctor’s visits, and travel assistance.

Black LGBTQIA Migrant Project: BLMP is providing cash assistance to Black LGBTQ+ migrants and first generation people dealing with the impact of COVID-19.

Marsha P. Johnson Institute: MPJI protects and defends the human rights of BLACK transgender people through organizing, advocating, creating an intentional community to heal, developing transformative leadership, and promoting our collective power.

Black & Pink: A prison abolitionist organization dedicated to abolishing the criminal punishment system and liberating LGBTQIA2S+ people and people living with HIV/AIDS who are affected by that system through advocacy, support, and organizing.

Emergency Release Fund: Mutual aid getting LGBTQ+ and medically vulnerable individuals out of Rikers Island and ICE detention.

Black Trans Media: a project based in Brooklyn led by and for Black Trans and Gender Non-Conforming (TGNC) communities that works at the intersections of arts, media, education, and organizing to address racism and transphobia.

There are many more organizations and initiatives led by and for people in the LGBTQ+ community are organizing and sharing resources to actively challenge state violence. Please let us know if there are other organizations or initiatives we should include. We’re grateful to get to learn with our community to cultivate and nourish a path toward liberation for us all!